Acronyms Gone Mad
by Anteyra
Summary: With the help of a beer or two SG1, Tyra and Niya contemplate the different meanings of Acronyms.... but as normal things can get a little out of hand.


SG1 were drunk, sitting at Jack's house during their one week leave. With them were also the commanders from SG12 and SG17. Colonel Tyra Pearse, commander of SG17, didn't live too far away from Jack and so she had become close friends with him. She was sitting on the floor in front of the couch next to Colonel Niya Coates, the commander of SG12. On the couch sat a fairly relaxed, laid out Daniel. He was the most drunk of the team, Teal'c being the only one not drunk.

Jack soon came out from the kitchen, stumbling slightly, carrying some more beer. He passed one round to everyone.

"Jack, what dos DHD stand for?" Daniel soon groaned, taking another swig of beer.

Everyone looked at him.

"Daniel, you know what is it… it's…" Jack paused for a second trying to think. "Dial Home Device." He finally said after taking a swig from his bottle.

"That's boring though!" Tyra called raising her drink in the air to get attention.

"You got any better ideas on what to call it?" Sam asked.

Tyra thought for a moment. "Death Has Died"

"No, no, no." Niya quickly joined in. "Gotta be 'Dorks Have Dice'!"

Jack looked at her and shook his head. "You're both wrong." He pointed his finger at Tyra and Niya. "Despise Half-witted Daniels." Jack smiled with what he had come out with.

"Hey! No Fair!" Daniel called from his cosy position on the couch. "Could it be… 'Don't Heat Dogs'"

A couple of sniggers went round the room. Teal'c raised his eyebrow watching the drunk scene unfold before him.

"Now you're just being ridiculous!" Sam took a swig of her drink. "Daniel Has a Dark twisted mind."

Niya looked at her, her eyes narrowed. "That's DHADTM! Stick with the subject Major! 'Dozy Horses Drink Dangerous Healing Drinks."

"Nice one Niya!" Tyra gave Niya a high five and in sync the two of them took a swig of their drinks.

Daniel leaned forward and began to whisper in Tyra's ear. "Do you think you could think of something that has a 'J' in it so I can get my own back on Jack?"

"I'll try."

"Thanks." Daniel leaned back again and took another swig.

Sam finished off her drink and looked at the bottle. "Drink Has Dried." She said and placed her bottle on the coffee table along with the rest of the empty bottles.

"I'll got get some more, Sir." Jack stood up and made his way to the kitchen.

"No… I'll go this time." Sam stood up, grabbed Jack and threw him back into his chair. Sam carefully stumbled her way towards the kitchen.

"Don't Hurry Dangerously." Daniel was almost incoherent, his head face down in a cushion.

"Danke Harmless Daniel."

"Enough all ready." Tyra shouted and buried her head in her knees.

"Is something wrong Colonel Pearse?" Teal'c asked.

"I don't think I can stand much more of this."

"Just cause you can't think of another one." Niya slightly nudged her friend. Tyra's face emerged, glaring at Niya.

"Not true!" Tyra nudged her back.

"Is too!" Niya nudged Tyra again.

"Is not!" Niya gave a very hard nudge and Tyra fell to one side, very nearly spilling her drink on the carpet. Sam came back in carrying more bottles. She stumbled over to her seat and sat down.

"Oh yeah? Go on then!"

"I gave you Death Has Died!" Tyra pushed herself back up into her sitting position, looking at Daniel as she did. "Isn't that enough, or would you prefer me to give you Daniel Has Died … again… for the…" Tyra counted on her fingers "8th time!"

"What do you mean?" Sam asked as she opened another bottle. This was to be her 7th one… everyone else, except Teal'c who was still on his first, was on their 6th.

"Look at him." Tyra pointed behind him and everyone saw that Daniel's eyes were closed. He had fallen asleep.

"Daniel Has Dozed." Niya looked back at her bottle and finished off the last drop of beer. "Should we wake him?" She leant forward and placed the empty beer bottle on the coffee table. Sam then reached forward passing her another one.

Jack shook his head and took a swig of his drink. "Don't. He's Daniel. He'll be grumpy."

"Nice touch there!" Tyra smiled at the drunken colonel

"Thanks. I thought so."

Sam thought for a second and then spoke. "May Anger Little Person."

Tyra looked at her with a blank expression. She then looked at Jack hoping for some clarification.

"MALP"

"Ah." Tyra leant back and took a huge gulp of her drink, knowing she wasn't as drunk as some of the others she was now going to do the best she could to catch up on drunkenness.

"Many Aliens Lie Precariously." Niya said.

Sam pointed a finger at her. "May I add Precariously?" the two women smiled at the clever sentence the two of them had managed to create.

Reaching for another beer Tyra muttered a sentence of her own. "Must Act Like Petite Pois."

Jack face scrunched up with confusion. "Petite Pois?"

"It's French for peas."

"So why not just say peas?"

"More fun to use French." Leaning back Tyra began to gulp down her beer. By the time she needed to breathe again she had finished off half of her drink. No one else had noticed what she was up to.

"In that case." Niya was being very thoughtful, even though it was drunken thoughts. "Muss Auch Ich Liebe Pearse?" Everyone looked at her. No one else could speak German,

"I never did German… Only French."

"It means 'Must I Also Love Pearse?'" Came a muffled voice. Everyone turned to see that Daniel was now awake.

"Thanks for that Niya." Tyra said with a smile. The two of them clinked bottles together and took a swig at the same time.

"No Probs."

"I thought you were asleep." Sam said.

"Looks Can Be Deceptive." Daniel pulled himself up into a sitting position on the couch.

Tyra, beginning to feel that her bottom was getting numb, stood up and sat in the empty position on the couch. "That doesn't stand for anything!"

"Yes it does." Daniel argued back at Niya. "LCBD stands for Looks Can Be Deceptive."

"You just made that up." Tyra poked Daniel in the side and he jerked back.

"Maybe. Ah! I Live Perilously!" Niya said again. Indeed she did live perilously, working at the SGC was a pretty perilous job.

Sam was now getting annoyed. "Why do we keep getting an 'I'… there is no 'I' in MALP!"

"Who cares?" Niya asked shrugging her shoulders.

"I do… We should be sticking to the rules!"

Tyra looked at Sam. "There are rules to this game?"

"Of course. Oh, I guess we forgot to mention then when we began."

"Didn't even know this was a game." Jack mumbled before finishing off his beer. Her reached forward and grabbed another one. Number 8.

Niya's eyes narrowed at Sam before she came up with another acronym. "Maybe Aliens Like Peanuts."

"Maybe Aliens Live Precariously." Tyra's head had began to fall to one side. Towards Daniel's shoulder. As soon as she was leaning on him, Daniel pushed her away and her head fell to the other side, gently falling against the arm of the couch.

"I said that earlier!"

"No you didn't… You said 'lie' I've said 'live'… big difference there!" Tyra gave Niya a playing hit round the head.

"You still stole my sentence. You are so bad at this game." Niya retaliated hitting Tyra on her knees.

"I didn't steal it… I adapted it! So Go Crazy." Tyra hit Niya round the head again.

"SGC!" Niya squealed with excitement, now that she had been given a new acronym to play with. "Steal General's Cereal!"

"Sever General's Coccyx."

Teal'c just watched. He was beginning to understand the game just knowing it was a bit silly. He had no idea why he had agreed to come and join Jack instead of going off to visit his son, Rya'c.

"Sam, Go Carefully. Some Guys Chew Several Gallons of Cement."

"And Some Guys Coffee addictions are just too much for others." Jack was pleased he had managed to think of something else to say.

"Mainly meaning Daniel's Coffee addictions." Tyra smiled. She waited to see if anyone else would spot the acronym she had managed to sneak into her sentence.

"Shut Gob Colonel!" Daniel angrily said at Tyra.

"Manners Daniel!" Sam called she had now decided that her chair was too uncomfortable and had decided to sit on the floor. Or it was very possible that while everyone was having an argument she had slipped off her chair because of being drunk and disorientated.

"Don't Care." Daniel shouted back. Indeed Tyra's 'D.C' acronym was now being used.

"Sam Getting Cross." Teal'c said looking at everyone.

"Yay!" Tyra cheered "Finally the big boy joins in." Tyra shifted on the couch so she was looking at Teal'c ready for any more that Teal'c might come out with.

Jack stood from his chair and sat down on the carpet with Sam. "Daniel's Coffee Intakes."

"Don't Cheat – Ingenious!" Niya cried as she took a swig of her drink

"Daniel's a Hypocritical Deadman!"

"Oh no, not back to DHD" Tyra groaned.

"Sorry." Jack said with a light smile.

"You will be." Daniel shouted pointing a finger at Jack.

"Try and do anything against me Space Monkey."

"Ok… Some are Genetically Corrupt, Stupid Girlie Colonel." Daniel said before taking a swig from the brown glass beer bottle.

"Some Goa'uld are Crabby!" Tyra called, saving Jack from the insults Daniel was now throwing at him.

It seemed to have completely gone from Sam's mind that everyone seemed to be adding an extra letter into their acronyms.

"So? Game Continues Silly General Conversation." Daniel picked up another bottle and began to drink it. He had completely forgotten he still had one on the floor the other end of the couch.

"Course. Omnipotent one." Tyra smiled… another acronym had been brought into use.

"Cancel Orders. Certain Odours Cause Offence." Niya shifted herself to stop her backside from growing numb.

"Carry on." Tyra folded her arms over her chest and once again leaned on Daniel's shoulder. This time he didn't seem to mind it.

"Clever Omniscient Can Overpower Colonel O'Neill." Sam took another swig of her beer. Teal'c could now tell that the conversation was getting sillier and sillier.

"Colonel O'Neill Certainly Overrides Colonel's Orders." Jack pointed a finger at Tyra. She looked at him and did her best to look innocent. An earlier comment she had made back at the base was still bothering Jack.

"Colonel O'Neill Causes Offence Carefully On Certain Other Colonel's Orders." This was the payback that Daniel was looking for, and Tyra had managed to get him there. Sub-consciously he placed his arm round Tyra's shoulders, and she didn't even seem to mind.

"Call Other Colonel's!" Tyra shouted "Overpower Colonel O'Neill. Crazy One-minded Conversation Often Causes Obliteration!" Tyra began to giggle at how she had managed to wiggle that into the conversation.

Niya turned her head round to look at Tyra. She nodded her head in satisfaction. "Clever. One Could Offer Certain Opportunities, Carefully Opening Certain Orifices. This Is Clever!"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. Hardly any of what the rest of the guests were saying made any sense to him, but he didn't bother to try and question it. He knew better than that.

"Thought Is Essential!" Tyra smiled and took a swig from her beer bottle.

Teal'c looked at Tyra and raised an Eyebrow. "T.I.E? That is not a reference I am familiar with."

"Theatre In Education. Tyra Is Educated!" She raised her bottle looking around and noticed that no one else was doing it. She then put the bottle to her mouth and took a gulp of beer.

"This Is Easy" Daniel exclaimed. "Tyra Involves Elephants That Invite Eagles."

Tyra turned in shock to Daniel, making as if she understood what Daniel was going on about. "I haven't insulted you once!" She poked Daniel in the side.

"Daniel Has Died?" He looked at her with a slight smile.

Tyra's face dropped to drunken embarrasment. "You heard that one?"

"Yes." Daniel nodded.

"That Is Eavesdropping!" Tyra shouted going back to using acronyms again.

"Nice touch there." Jack stood up and went to the kitchen to fetch more beers.

"Thanks" Tyra called after him. "I Enjoyed That In all Events."

"That Is Everything?" Teal'c asked, not having noticed himself that he was speaking in acronyms. Listening to everyone else must have made his mind change.

"With Tyra and Niya now in battle? It could go on all night." Jack called from the kitchen. "We're outta beers!"

"Could One Continuously Offend? Possibly. With practice." Tyra looked at Niya as she swivelled round on the floor so she was able to face her opponent. "May You Overcome Bulls, and Might Incur Sickness. Nosy Inebriated Demons Fall Backwards Instantly and Can Incinerate Aliens!"

Daniel began a mental check as best as he could to see how many acronyms Tyra had used. He managed to count 6 different ones, however he wasn't exactly sure about what half of them really meant.

"I think that was a bit OTT." Jack said as he retook his place on the floor with the rest of the group. Finally Teal'c gave up and went to sitting on the floor.

"Out of Time Tyra. Aliens Invite Death Suddenly On Tricky Tyras! Often Throwing Tyra Out The Tree!"

"Can Anyone Yank Goo Out The Table?" Tyra knew that the acronym she had used was one no one else would know of.

"CAYG?" Sam asked as she took another mouthful from her bottle.

"Clear As You Go. Something my Mum taught me."

"Goo? Could Apophis Yield Gold? Of course you can get goo out of the table! Watch!" Niya moved over to the coffee table and pulled out a large chunk of putty. She held it up for everyone to see. It was a rather bright green colour, and indeed it was rather gooey.

"Clever-clogs. Only, Can Surely Incur Family Bacterial Incidents." Tyra replied trying to work out where Niya had got the putty from and why it was there in the first place.

"Attack Tyra Pearse"

"Might Incur Blindness."

"Annoying Daniel Pleases"

Daniel gave a hard stare at Niya at hearing her statement.

Teal'c's eyebrows raised again at hearing more acronyms he had not heard of. "A.T.P? M.I.B? A.D.P?"

"M.I.B is Men In Black… a great film about aliens." Tyra's knowledge of most films was quite amazing.

"A.T.P stands for Adenosine Triphosphate…. I think." Niya replied then nodded her head when she was satisfied with what she had said. "A.D.P is…." She paused whilst her drunken mind began to try and remember what A.D.P was. "Adenosine Diphosphate!" she said triumphantly.

Tyra shook her head. She knew that ADT and ADP was something scientific. "Carry On. Teal'c Is Crazy."

Teal'c glared at Tyra the best way the Jaffa could. "That Is Critical Tyra. Insanity is Contagious."

Tyra had no idea what Teal'c had just said and so just shrugged it off looking at the drunken air force officers. "Moving On Daniel."

Daniel looked at the incoherent position of the voice that had said his name. "Huh? You Called?"

"Pay Attention Dumbo!" Niya shouted.

Tyra took a swig of her bottle and let it fall to the ground. Luckily it was empty and so none spilt out onto the carpet. "Visual Disturbances Undermine Colonel's Orders."

"Vocal Corrections Resound." Niya replied as she picked up Tyra's empty bottle and placed it with the rest of the empty collection. Jack was now wondering exactly how much the 6 of them had managed to consume that evening. Looking at his watch he tried to read the time, but found that he had earlier taken his watch off.

"Don't Violate Damsels In Distress." Tyra said. She now sub-consciously placed a hand around Daniel's stomach. He appeared to be asleep again and hadn't taken any notice of how comfortable Tyra was getting, snuggled up to him. In actually looked as though he was enjoying having Tyra curled up next to him.

Jack toyed with the bottle in his hand, blowing over the lip making a nice tuneful note. "Colonel O'Neill Is Distressed!"

With his eyes closed Daniel replied groggily. "You're not a damsel Jack! Please Humour Daniel."

Jack smiled "So that's what Ph.D stands for!"

Sam stood up and moved over to a light turning it on. The sudden brightness to those seriously drunk caused them to shut their eyes tight before trying to let them adjust. "No. It's Potentially Harmful Daniels."

Daniel sighed in anger. He sat up sharply nearly causing the lightly dozing Colonel Pearse to fall onto the floor. "I've had it up to here with insults!" he slumped back annoyed, and folded his arms in front of him.

Tyra picked herself up and snuggled back down into a comfy position next to Daniel. "It's just a game Space Monkey!"

"Don't Sweat Space Monkey." Niya said lightly tapping Daniel on the knee to try and raise his spirits. She realised he was not drunk enough and passed him the bottle his had started earlier but hadn't finished. He took it off her and drunk it in silence. "Colonel Offers Caring Opinion. Nice, Attractive Daniel."

Tyra smiled at what she was hearing… Daniel was indeed a nice attractive young man. But she didn't exactly want anyone to know what she thought of him. "Emergency Masculine Hormones." Tyra's three-worded sentence was probably the weirdest any of them had come out with yet.

"Where did you get that from?" Teal'c asked as he placed his only empty beer bottle on the table.

"EMH…. Emergency Medical Hologram…. Star Trek Volaber… Voyager." Tyra quickly corrected herself as she realised being drunk was making her slur her words.

"Ah… of course." Jack nodded slowly in almost realisation… he didn't actually have a clue what the Trekkie was going on about.

"Nasty Animals Savage Aliens!"

Looking at Niya in puzzlement Sam continued. "So, anyway! Aliens Supply Atrocious Penicillin."

"And Some Attack Pearse!"

Tyra was angry… just like Daniel had been, with the insults. She sat up as straight as she could. "Right… That's IT!" She shouted. "Niya Always Slips in Animal muck! And won't live to tell the tale if she does again cause I will make sure She is Suffocated!"

"Ah Some Atrocious Problems… Obviously Tyra Tires Of This Trivia." Niya said as she watched Tyra try and get to her feet. She moved over to her bag and picked it up. She then headed for the door, grabbing her coat off the peg as she did.

"Where are you going?" Daniel asked as he realised he was now getting cold from no longer having anyone next to him.

"Home! I've had enough!" she reached for the door but missed, falling onto the floor heavily. She picked herself up and this time held onto the door. Twisting the handle it soon opened as she was free to escape the madness and beer bottles. As she left she slammed the door. Everyone looked at each other in surprise.

Niya giggled slightly at how her good friend had reacted finding the situation extremely funny. "Ooooo, Tyra's Tantrums Overwhelms The Tequila That I Consumed."

A head then appeared at the opened window… it was that of Tyra's. "I heard that! You Blubbering Baboon on a Colonel! Investigate That Vehicle parked outside you're house that looks like it's about to blow up!" She waited for their response but they all just went back to sitting as they were and ignored Tyra.

Suddenly a loud bang from behind Tyra brought everyone to the realisation of the explosion. They jumped up and ran to the window. All they could see what the shell of a car burning not too far down the road, and they all immediately realised who's it was. They looked at the owner who was in complete shock.

"THAT'S MY CAR!" Daniel shouted.

Tyra looked rather embarrassed at realising she had burned the wrong car, and quickly and quietly she slipped off into the darkness.


End file.
